Article - Speak Up!

My mother once said to me "What we have here is a failure to communicate and I don't want to talk about it." It was a classic moment that broke a stalemate between a parent and a trying teenager. Over the years, this sentence has repeated in my ears as customers struggled to make themselves understood or told us of their difficulties in communicating with associates and family that have speech impediments.

Communication impediments can be the result of the language differences between regions, generations or work groups that develop their own lingo. Accents, disease, physical or emotional challenges add a further level of complexity. Difficulties in communicating hinder our ability to go about our everyday tasks at work, at the store and at home. It is frustrating for all involved and particularly for the person who feels they are not being understood.

There are techniques that can improve communication for everyone. The most important realization is that both sides of the conversation have responsibilities for the communication to be successful. Business and self-improvement books are filled with ideas and tips to improve the way we talk to each other. At Dynamic-Living.com we've culled a few that we believe are particularly critical.

Speaking With Everything You've Got

Do people often tell you that they can't hear you or understand what you are saying? If this is a relatively new problem, there could be several reasons for it.

• Something has changed in your ability to articulate or pronounce your words. It could be that your medications are causing your words to slur together or over time you have fallen into some poor speech habits.

• Some soft speakers are the result of an emotional inhibition, where the person is feeling very self-conscious or is unconsciously trying to hold themselves back.

• Sometimes stress can be a factor. Perhaps you cannot get your thoughts together or may be afraid to speak up.

If the change is of a physical nature, such as esophageal surgery or a disease like multiple sclerosis, you might benefit from speech therapy. Check in with your physician. The doctor might recommend a speech therapist to help you regain some of the lost skills.

Assistive technology, such as equipment that will help you amplify your voice, is also available. These might include:

• ChatterVox - a compact personal voice amplification system for people with low-volume speech (very soft speaking voices or esophageal speech). It is useful for people with Parkinson's, MS and other conditions that cause a strain on the larynx. The Chattervox is also ideal for professionals who place heavy demands on their voices, including teachers, trainers and trade show presenters.

• Dialogue XL-30 Amplified phone - is a unique phone that can amplify the outgoing voice 12 dB so callers can hear you better!

Regardless of the cause, use every communication means available to you. Whether you are aware of it or not, your face and body language are doing a large portion of the communication for you. People often pay more attention to this than to the actual words that are spoken. Be more conscious about the expression on your face and keep your hands away from your face to make that form of communication as clear as possible.

Use your hands to gesture or point. Some people even carry notepads or index cards to help them communicate with strangers. Travelers do it when they are in an unfamiliar country. Why can't you do it in your own neighborhood if it will help? For people whose speech is particularly limited, there are specialty manufacturers that have developed pads with pre-drawn pictures on them to help identify common phrases: like "where's the bathroom?", "I'm hungry", and even emotions like "I'm angry".

Listening With Everything You've Got

We usually don't think about listening, we just do it. Listening is a skill that can be practiced and developed. When confronted with a speaking pattern that is different from what you are used to hearing, you must make more of an effort to listen. As you become more familiar with a speaking pattern, your ability to understand what is being said will improve.

To help you listen better, remove distractions so you can give the speaker your complete attention.

• Turn off the TV or computer monitor, turn over the papers on your desk or stop cooking so that you can really listen with more than your ears.

• Watch for body language and other non-verbal communication, such as pointing or gestures.

• Listen for tone change.

• Listen in context of the surroundings or what is being discussed.

• Support the speaker emotionally.

• Be patient and encouraging rather than correcting.

• Resist the temptation to speak for the person if they are having difficulty expressing what they want to say.

• When responding, speak as you normally would. Don't raise your voice; their hearing is probably fine. Don't speak slower or too simply as it can be very condescending unless you know that their ability to understand is limited.

When you don't understand:

• Try asking questions for clarification that can be answered with a yes or a no. (This is harder than it sounds and may require some practice on your part.)

• Paraphrase or repeat what you do understand to demonstrate that you are listening.

My mother may have been able to avoid difficult communication by saying "I don't want to talk about it", but that's not always an appropriate option. Communication involves two or more people, each having a responsibility to the other. It doesn't matter how brief or long, casual or formal the exchange is. The goal is hearing and understanding each other. The result may take work, but is well worth the effort.

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© Copyright 2003 Dynamic Living, Inc.
Dynamic Living Newsletter may only be redistributed in its unedited form. Written permission from the editor must be obtained to reprint or cite the information contained within this newsletter.

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